Checking out before checking in

Posted on Mon Jan 31st, 2022 @ 7:06pm by Lieutenant Mica Rue

Lt Rue stepped up to the doors where she had been instructed, nervously running a finger around her uniform collar. Inside her head, the orders she had received echoed, the orders to see the counsellor to determine if she was fit for duty. The doctors who has seen her through her rehabilitation had warned her to expect them. One had also said to expect follow-ups.

Putting an engineering tool to ones head and asking others to pull the trigger had that consequence, it seemed. Combine that with the stress she had undergone over the last year and...she was destined to be here.

Clearing her throat, the Lt pressed the chime on the wall, waiting for an answer.

"Enter," Lieutenant Styveck said as he stood up from desk and walked to the center of the office. A small cup of tea was waiting on the coffee table as well as a PADD for taking notes. He had learned to remain ready at all times for counseling sessions in the aftermath of the accident.

She stepped forward into the room, hands clenched together behind her back. “Lt Mica Rue, sir. I was told to report to you for evaluation?”

"Greetings Lieutenant Rue," the Vulcan said in a nearly monotone baritone, "I am Lieutenant Styveck, please have a seat," he said motioning towards the couch opposite of his chair. "Would you like a drink before we begin?"

She smiled softly. A forced smile. “No, thank you sir.” She sat on the couch, shifting uncomfortably. Counselling itself didn’t bother her - her parents had made sure she had talked to someone back when she had learned she was adopted. Not that it mattered; she never resented that. But this was her career....

“I was told this would determine if I can get reassigned onto a ship.” She said directly.

"I understand Lieutenant," Styveck said as he sat down and picked up his PADD. He glanced over Rue's information. "Why don't we start with some easy questions, please tell me who Lieutenant Rue is."

Whatever Mica expected, that was not it. She opened her mouth to speak, closing it just as quick. “Who am I?” She thought to her answer. She dissected the question, as she would the parts of a broken device, pulling it apart, devising it’s possible purposes. There were so many correct possibilities, from abstract to literal, work and play, genetic, biological, historical... Then, realizing she had fazed out for quite some time, she blushed, looking away. “I’m sorry. I’m....I’m just me. A sister, an engineer, an Enaren...I don’t know how to answer that.”

Styveck folded his fingers and laid them in his lap, "Intriguing, your identity in your opinion is tied to your family unit as a sister, secondly by your job or skills as an engineer, and third and last your race." He paused to survey her reaction before asking, "Are you close with your family?"

The Lt sighed and cursed inwardly. Should have started with her career. She wanted to curl up and deny Styveck the answer. Instead, she took a deep breath.

"I am quite close with my brothers, though most of all with my oldest, Selin. They were all very protective of me, since I was their baby sister and because I wasn't of the same race. But he has taken an especial interest in making sure I am alright since our parent's died earlier in the year. But I send them all regular messages, and lived with them in the family home for a while when I had temporarily transferred to the Trill Institute to work for some time. Now that I'm resuming with Starfleet I would assume that there will be more messages coming my way than normal."

She breathed again, thankful to get the word vomit out in one go...

Styveck took occasional notes as Rue continued to speak, when she finished he looked at her, "Maintaining contact with your family is essential to your mental health. Having a good support system existing is most excellent. When did you begin calling yourself an engineer?"

Mica almost sighed in relief. She didn't know why talking with this man was making her so tense. Counsellors were fair, and their entire premise was to 'help'.

"I've always been somewhat of an engineer. Always building really. I would tag along with my mother and try to fix things in the field, and my father and brothers were endlessly giving me things to invent. But I suppose graduating from star fleet academy and my first posting on a starbase made me an engineer.”

He noted the mention of her family again involved in her identity, "Why is your family so important to you Lieutenant? Your view of your self identity is intertwined with them. Could this be, because of your adoption?"

Mica raised her chin. "Perhaps. Or maybe they are just that important. After all, they have been part of nearly everything I have done, for almost all my life." She watched Styveck watch her, and then, feeling a bit haughty, relaxed into the chair. "I suppose one could speculate that my family always kept me close, closer than the average daughter and sister BECAUSE I was adopted. And, that would be true. Maybe. I'm not sure, I never asked them. Perhaps the next time Selin visits me I should bring him by, Counsellor, so you can analyze that yourself."

Styveck sensed the change of attitude, good she was getting comfortable, now let's see where we can go, he thought to himself. "Lieutenant what is the worst life experience you have been through and how did it shape who you are now?:

She had expected this. In fact, Mica Rue had been surprised that the man hadn’t delved in earlier. She opened her mouth, closing it again.

Expected, but not thought out.

She questioned herself. Her parents dying had been awful, but while their absence had and would always sting, she knew that each day would get more tolerable. She didn’t cry herself to sleep anymore, and that, in itself, was something. She hadn’t even flinched when she had hear that her mothers symbiont had been placed with a new host, an idea that now made her shudder. Having lance shoot her had been painful, but not without what should have been expected repercussions. Other than that, she had always been on starbases. Simple, easy, safe...

She shook her head. “I honestly don’t know.”

"Allow me to rephrase," the Vulcan said. "What is the most pivotal event in your life?"

Mica took a deep breath. "My parents' death. It made me question where I would be, what I would be. It put into question my involvement with starfleet and for a time, dealing with it derailed me."

"The loss of one's parents, typically will cause one to reflect on their own mortality and sharpens their focus on future goals. Based upon the decisions you made at that time, Do you feel like you took the correct action?" Styveck asked curios to hear the response.

The woman fingered the comm badge on her chest, then ran a hand over her head, smoothing her hair. On coming down her fingertips grazed her temple, the skin plates over it that she always hid as much as possible under her hair. She shivered. "Yes. For the most part. I'm trying to do the correct thing anyway."

"That is all we can do. Commit to the best logical action with the given data and move forward one day at a time. Has this ever affected your ability to perform your assigned tasks aboard the Astrae?" The Vulcan asked clinically.

"Not aboard the Astrae, although I wasn't on the original ship for that long before I left for trill. If my logical action was misplaced anywhere, it was there on the planet." She shook her head. "But I'm back now, and I'm determined to make the Astrae my home more permanently, or as permanently as starfleet assignments allow." She stood, stepping around the room lightly. She had never been one for staying still long. "If I may ask, sir, will my actions during the evacuation affect my full status on duty?" she cocked her head, wishing her genetic ability to project memories also worked in reverse. What she wouldn't give to be able to read the vulcan's emotions or thoughts right about now... "What I mean is...when the counsellor on earth came to speak to me just after I awoke there, she seemed to suggest that by forcing Lance's hand to shoot the devices in my head, it was a sort of attempted self-harm. She suggested, without...suggesting sir, that it may affect my permanent assignment."

"I do not believe it will affect anything, I assume that since you are here you have been mostly cleared for duty already," Styveck said evenly. "You seem to have full mental capacity at this time. It is my opinion that you are ready to return to duty, but will need to continue to visits with a Counselor."