Walking the Line of Madness

Posted on Thu Jul 4th, 2019 @ 8:21pm by Lieutenant Aleksander Voroshilov

As he had suspected, Aleksi was headed to the Counselor right after his physical examination which went (Insert other items later - Med post in progress)

The Intelligence Officer had an opinion of counselors that could be best described as tolerance. He respected the craft, to a point that was, and they could help trauma victims and for the most part are capable of rooting out problem children. On the other hand they could be a bit sanctimonious and sometimes ask the wrong questions. There was also that pesky problem about their occasional mistakes.

A warm smile on his face, Aleksi approached the Counselor's door, chiming it.

"Please enter," Bert called out. He'd arranged the chamber a bit since the commander's visit so the chairs were emptied and the room was a bit straighter. That way Aleksi had a choice of seating ranging from cushy to hard and bare as well as away from Bert who was sitting in front of his desk instead of at it. "How may I help you?"

"I believe you were expecting a session with me," Scoping out the room, Alexi was immediately drawn to the chair that had both the best view of the room and the counselor. He knew that the counselor would get something out of it, but that's why he was there, to be read. Taking the seat, he smiled at the man across from him, "Aleksander Voroshilov," He offered a hand in greeting.

Bert shook the man's hand firmly. "Bert Engels. Nice to meet you. Yes, the captain said to expect you. You're reported to be quite the character Aleksander. Tell me about yourself."

"You can call me Aleksi," The man in gray dropped the hand, sizing up the Counselor, "Well, to start with I can be an asshole, a charming one but still an asshole. I've been told that I'm pretty hard to work with at times, which I don't disagree with," He leaned back, putting his hand to his chin, "I never really sound serious, which I suppose is fine because no one ever really wants to take me seriously. Some also say my morals are at best questionable"

He ticked off his major negative traits, figuring the honest thing to do would be to lead with that, "I take pride in my work as an analyst. When something good comes out if it, lives are save or an attack stopped, it's a good day. It's an even better one if no one knows I had a hand in it. It's hard to keep my attention, but once you have I won't let go," Leaning forward, he looked at the counselor with a grin, "Shall I go into my family life?"

Bert sighed at the question and shrugged his thin shoulders a bit. He was a lanky man, so the shrug seemed to carry through almost all of him. "I'd like to know what you feel is important for me to know. I've read what others feel that I should know, but that hardly covers what you need me to know now does it? Every doctor and analyst that you've seen break you down to tidbits that they design you to be, not who you are. So I'm asking: who are you."

Aleksi chuckled at the question, it was something he didn't entirely know either. He dropped the act a little, it wasn't like the counselor was going to do much better with him, "I grew up on the edge of Federation space, my world was brutal and corrupt. Shaped how I saw the universe," Sitting back he waved his hand around, "This? What we see in the core? I see it as nothing more than a well dressed lie that with enough pressure will shatter this thing we refer to as civilization. I've made peace with that idea, I'd like to think that's why I'm as good as I am at my job."

"Don't take my cynicism as any indication that I want this to all burn. I quite like it in dreamland, see myself running a nice winery until I disappear into obscurity," He chuckled again, "Assuming I don't die protecting the facade first," Looking over to the counselor, Aleksi had a somewhat serious look, the first one of the session, "What is the one value you'd never compromise on?"

"I have a very strict code of personal conduct. I would say that," Bert said. "I know what lines I will and will not cross for others. What about you?"

A small smile crossed Alexi's face, "I have probably crossed, or at least thought about, crossing every line you hold dear. I tend to have a loose idea of what's acceptable to accomplish my mission. I've lied, stolen, cheated and killed in order to protect my very few values. The chief of which is defense of the innocent, I'd sacrifice more than most would imagine to accomplish that."

Bert nodded at that. He could appreciate the nobility of that statement. "A personal code, no matter how loose it runs, is important. Now, I'm sure you get asked this often. What do you do when your goal interferes with the goals of the ship's mission? What do you do when that line is crossed?"

Aleksi thought of how to best answer that question, "I would attempt to persuade them from the course of action. Defense of my comrades is something I would die doing, no hesitation. I hold protection of the innocents much higher and would do everything in my power to stop them," He had seen enough senseless violence throughout this universe, the stench of mass graves causing him to vomit.

He looked the counselor in the eye, knowing what answer he was waiting for, "Hopefully I can stop them peacefully, I really do, but anyone who wants to raze even a single hair on a child who only knows his mother and father's farm," He nodded a little, trying to find the words, "They'll have to go through me, and many have discovered that is not as easy as it may appear. And yes, all sins are on the table to accomplish this one goal."

The counselor seemed to beam at that answer. "You mistake my question, though I do applaud your answer. The ability to stand for one's belief against a higher power is something that many say they will do, but many are too frightened to do when faced with the prospect of doing so. 'I was just following orders' lines many a tomb. What I was asking is what do you intend to do if your orders from Intel ever clash with your orders from your CO. What would you do in that situation?"

"I'm my own man," Aleksi offered a smirk, "And it depends on who makes the most sense. If neither make sense, or perhaps both, it boils down to trust, another trait I seem to lack," This was probably the most honest he had been since being on the ship. Ironically the most sane version of himself was the honest one, "But if Commander Carmichael told us that we were to stand against an order of genocide, she's going have dirty tricks I have at her disposal."

"It sounds to me like you're looking to be an honorable man, you're deeply jaded about the evils of the very flawed universe- which it is- but you still see that there's innocence meaning there's something worthwhile. Have you ever read Machiavelli, Aleksi?" It was a longshot, but a worthy try, thought Bert.

"If there was nothing worth saving, I would have been a pirate king and not some schmuck in a wet suit. More money in it," Aleksi was critical of most governments who, as he saw it, only existed to perpetuate their own power, "The Prince was alright, though I preferred his Discourses on Livy."

"I was going to tell you that you might appreciate his work," the counselor said with a smile. "You're a very complex man. I appreciate that. I can understand how people might not understand your compartmentalization. It's a survival mechanism, isn't it?"

"More or less. I'm an asshole, there's really no bones about it and admittedly I get some pleasure out of making people uncomfortable. Being cruel has also kept me from being an unmarked grave in some piece of ground," Aleksi smiled at Bert, "But there is beauty, be it a peaceful field in the middle or nowhere or staring at some abstract piece of art trying to make sense of it. I may not be the most sane person there is, in fact I'd be a bit insulted if you thought otherwise, but I know where I stand and what I stand for."

"I don't think you're insane at all. I think you're very much a survivor. Maybe a little questionable on the morals and you might laugh at inappropriate times, but that's what makes people fun at parties," Bert said as he made a few notations on the PaDD on his lap. "I've cleared you for duty."

“Hopefully I won’t do anything to change your assessment,” A slight look of surprise crossed Aleksi’s face, some of it was a practiced expression but most of it was real. It seems that an honest answer, well mostly honest, was the correct thing after all. He managed to say, in a diplomatic fashion, that he’d stop the crew if necessary and survived. It’s probably wise to keep the counselor as an ally, “Thank you. It’s not often you’ll hear that from me honestly.”

Bert grinned, as he took it as a compliment. "I hope that you always feel that you can be this open with me. Most people aren't ready for that level of risk. It really is when I can help the most. Please message me whenever you need to come in and I'll be happy to work with you."

"This being open is new to me. I'll tell you how I feel about it in the morning," Aleksi laughed, "But I've been known to take a few risks here and there. Anything else you need from me Bert?"

"Nope," the counselor told him. "Enjoy the rest of your day."

"Excellent," Aleksi stood up, the same smile he walked in with back on his face, "It was a pleasure and if for some reason you ever need someone like me, you know where to find me," He wasn't entirely sure why a counselor would need a spy, but the offer was out on the table. With a nod Alexi exited the room, off to finally see his office.